she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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