if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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