Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
