I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
