hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Randomize