i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize