life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
