He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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