The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
