i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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