I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
