OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
