his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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