Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
