i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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