Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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