no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
