Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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