I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
my liver is dry heaving
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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