Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize