your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
