there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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