Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
