i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
