he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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