Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
