Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Is Oprah even human
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
