My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
