You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
