So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
