I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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