do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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