he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
