Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
