sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
