she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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