At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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