Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize