I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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