Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize