I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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