her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
