He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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