the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
