Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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