i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
