drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My breasts were aching with rage.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
