You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
