im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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