Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
