Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
