she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
