i permit you to call me
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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