He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
