My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
In other news, I just burned my penis
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
