started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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