I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
