If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
