Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
