Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
