meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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