I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize