dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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