Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
