Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
