U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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