I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
