i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
