Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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