dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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