There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
