Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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